Im glad to some people now,I am a big mean horrible person.
Im a big mean horrible person for doing with makes me happy.
I am a horrible person for not staying with someone i wasnt happy with.
Im horrible for still defending him even though,He makes people hate me.
And,I tell people i wont talk bad about him,Because,Theres nothing i regret.Nothing i hate about him.
People think that i dont think things through before i make a decision.Well,Guess what i do.
I have been nothing but as nice as i can be to him considering.I am still the same person.
People can try to make me feel guilty.About his hand.About how i hurt him
But,Guess what else...Nobody Knows me.Nobody knows whats up in my head.They dont know the thoughts and they know nothing i am going through.
I didnt wake up one day and say,Oh im going to hurt him today..
I started to like someone else.Im only fucking human.
I will always care about him,even though,I am afraid of what else he has to say to me...
You wanna know why i just sat there while you were talking.because i think before i say things I wasnt going to say anything i knew i was going to regret,Because if i said anything,It would be out of anger...
And,I was angry and i didnt want to hurt you.Because i guess ive done enough of that,
I told you i still wanted to be freinds.But you continue to talk bad about me.Rather than say things to me.And then you write me these notes about how you love me and apologize...And continue to tell people what a bad person i am.
In my eyes,I did nothing wrong.I just decided to go out with someone else.And,As i said,I care about you.You did nothing wrong.I just wasnt happy...
Everything i ever told you,I meant.
So,If you think im such a horrible person.Then..Im through.I tell everyone that comes up to me to tell me,"Oh,I am sorry but i ahve to side with tom because he told me this.Or he toldme that"
What about me!
I told you i will always love you.And,I meant it.I am just with someone else....
and your note really made me feel better,Until,People started coming up to me telling me all this stuff.
How come they know everything?...Why cant this just be between me and you?
Is that so much to ask that the whole school doesnt nknow what is going on?
I am happy now.But a little part of me is dead..But,I was tired of not being happy.
I hate the fact that you are hurting.
I hate the fact that everyone hates me,And they dont talk to me before they reach that conclusion.
I hate the fact you say you dont hate me,But you do.
I am to blame and it sucks.
But,Time heals i guess.
I guess,I am sorry...but,I know sorry isnt saying much.I really just dont want to lose you completly i want to be freinds and i want to be there for you.
But not when i am being talked about like anyone knows whats going on through my head.
and by the way,Im not going to have sex with mikie.I at least though you would know me better,
I have all the same beliefs..
He isnt as bad as you say.Maybe if you knew him,Then you could judge,But you dont.
I really justwant things to be liveable again.
And,I Guess i did hurt you,.
But YOU hurt your hand...And,I am not responsible.Maybe i am to blame.But thats it.
and to all that hate me,I guess i can seperate my real freinds...From the shitty ones.
I dont hate you.I never will.
I care about you.even though,I chose a different path.
And,I guess,I am sorry if you think i am this big mean person...
Shows what you know i guess...
But,I have nothing bad to say about you.Your a wonderful person.Your damn near perfect.But,My heart tells me i should be wherei am.
And,I am sorry i am not going out with you,and being miserable.B/c if thats what you want...So much for you wanting me to be happy.
so what if we kiss,We are going out.
But you are not him and hes not you.
And besides...I dont know if you remeber but,I do.YOU broke up with ME,because i like mikie.
Well,I do.Did you expect me to come crawling back to you again.I didnt.because i do like him.He was there for me when NOBODY Was ,not one person.
I suppose you got to gain some to lose some.
Im sorry i lost everyone that never cared for me in the first place.(friends)
And also...to all of you that think mikie "stole" me from tom.
As my friend put it,You cant steal something that wanted to be stolen...
I hope importnat people read this and maybe understand.
I will always love him,But,I am happy with mikie.
And,I told him myself,Id love to be friends with him.
B/c i want to be there for him.
I just cant go out with him...
Because i found someone else.